TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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