Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize