How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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