Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
