if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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