nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
