I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
