And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
