god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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