She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
