i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
