Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
