walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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