I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
