dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
