She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
