i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
