this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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