Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
