The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
