i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
