i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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