Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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