I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
