Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
