$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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