he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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