Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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