i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
