You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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