Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
