He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
