Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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