I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
