you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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