I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
