everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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