What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
