No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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