Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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