I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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