After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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