I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
