i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
