can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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