He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
