My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
