I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
