Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
