i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize