dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
