dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
