i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I touched a dick in church today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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