I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
