cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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