I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
