ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
