Your tits are I can't wait for
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
