she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
