Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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