PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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