You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You may now shotgun with the bride
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
