we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
