that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FUCK WHALES
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
