A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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