Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
