the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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