do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
