If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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