Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
