The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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