Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
