You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
