bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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