Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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