I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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