you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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