Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
